Graveyard Letters
by Thomas the Miller
Summary: Todd Anderson hates going home for Christmas break, and he hates going to the Danburry's Christmas party, where he finds himself surrounded by people who inevitably force him to remember Neil in miserable ways. This is a three part story that chronicles three Christmases Todd spends at home with his family. Each part shows Todd re-learning how to cope with that environment.
1. Chapter 1

Graveyard Letters

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dead Poets Society. Well, except the DVD of course. **

Christmas One

Todd stared miserably into his bowl of lukewarm soup. _If Hell is other people, _he thought, _Hell would be the people who will be at the Danburry's Christmas Party. _It wasn't a nice thing to think, but to Todd, it was the truth. He had absolutely no desire to go to that party, where he would probably see the Camerons, and Mr. Nolan, and God forbid…Mr. and Mrs. Perry. Todd honestly didn't know if he could stand it. _If only I could have explained that to my parents, _he thought bitterly, as he prodded his still uneaten soup with a spoon.

"Todd, are you going to eat that?" Jeffrey was at the kitchen door. Of course. "Probably not," Todd mumbled, without looking up. "I'm not hungry…" "You really need to eat something," Jeffrey insisted, as he moved to sit at the table across from Todd. "You've spent nearly all of break moping around in your room, Todd. It's not good for you."

Todd knew his brother was just trying to be well intentioned, but he couldn't help but feel annoyed. "I h-haven't been moping. I've been reading and writing and…." "Not to mention drinking all the orange juice and hot tea we have in the house," Jeffrey added. "I've had a cold!" Todd protested. "I know, I know," Jeffrey said, "but I can't help but be worried about you. Dad told me that you asked not to go to the Danburry's party." "Can you h-honestly blame me?" asked Todd. "I m-mean…don't mom and dad r-realize why I don't want to go? I know Dad insists that my staying at home would be 'discourteous, and horribly embarrassing for our family'_, _b-but Jeff, I c-can't go to that party."

Jeffrey sighed, and got up from the table. "Sometimes you've got to do things you don't want to do, Todd. Just take a few deep breaths. Calm yourself down. Go to the party, answer all the boring questions they ask about your studies, and enjoy the free food. You'll be all right. I promise."

As Jeff left the kitchen, Todd yet again looked down and poked at the soup. Jeffrey only wanted to help, and Todd knew that, but it was hard to explain to someone that a Christmas party had the potential to trigger an emotional breakdown.

"Todd!" He heard his mother call from the living room. "We're leaving in just a few minutes!" Todd groaned. One last desperate attempt to stay home couldn't hurt, could it? "Can I p-please not go? I haven't eaten anything all day!"

It didn't take long for Todd to realize he had said the wrong thing. His father was standing in the kitchen door, clearly unhappy. "Well, that's your own fault, Todd. I already told you. You are going to the party, and that is final." Todd's mother, who had walked into the kitchen as well, tried to take a gentler approach. "Your friend Knox will be there," she said. "Don't you want to visit with him?" "Knox came by and gave me another box of tea yesterday, mom," Todd said. "So I've already seen him. And b-besides…I'm sure _he _understands why I d-don't w-want to go!"

At this point, Mr. Anderson was completely fed up. "That's enough, Todd. No more arguing. Put your shoes on, and get in the car." Todd, not wanting to upset his father any further, did as he was told.

That's how Todd later found himself wedged on a couch in between Knox and Cameron, as the three of them were practically interrogated by Mr. Nolan. "So, boys. I take it your studies are going well? Remind me again what your majors are." Cameron nodded. "Pre-law, sir." "And how is Harvard treating you, Mr. Cameron?" "Excellent, sir." _Wow, _Todd thought. _Cameron certainly hasn't changed one bit._ "What about you, Mr. Overstreet?" "Pre-law as well, sir," said Knox. "I'm liking it all right."

"And you, Mr. Anderson?" Todd had been hoping that Mr. Nolan would just ignore him, but he knew that had just been wishful thinking. "E-English," Todd muttered. "I'm f-focusing on literature and journalism." "Well, I suppose journalism is a decent career," Mr. Nolan told him, "particularly for someone who doesn't talk much." Todd felt himself turn bright red. This whole situation was embarrassing, but he figured it could be much, much worse. "Did any of you join any clubs this semester?" asked Mr. Danburry cheerfully, as he strolled into the living room and sat on a couch next to his wife. "I've started debate team," Cameron said, with a somewhat smug look on his face. "We've already won all of our competitions this year."

This sent Mr. Overstreet reminiscing. "You ought to join debate team, Knox. I still remember when Joe and I were on debate team together at Yale. It's a good time." Mr. Danburry nodded in his agreement. "Some of the best times I remember," he mused. Knox looked slightly exasperated. "I've told you, dad. I don't really want to join debate team." Mr. Overstreet sighed. " We've talked about this, Knox. You have to do more than play intermural soccer!" "Well," Knox began, "I actually did agree to help the Literature Society with their Valentine's Day fundraiser. We're selling handwritten love poetry to idiots who can't write it themselves…."

For the first time in days, Todd found himself laughing aloud, imagining all the poor people who would be getting Knox's ridiculous love poems for Valentines Day.

Chris, who had been sitting next to Knox all this time, leaned over, giggled, and kissed him on the forehead. "Fortunately for me, my boyfriend actually does write his own poetry." Chet, who was sitting across the room, glowered a little bit. He still wasn't entirely over his old girlfriend dumping him for Knox.

"Are you in any clubs, Todd?" Mr. Overstreet asked, rather amiably. Everyone at this party was so cheerful. It was driving Todd half insane. "Certainly not debate team," Cameron muttered under his breath. This didn't bother Todd much, as Cameron had always been a prick. "I'm writing for the school paper and the literary magazine," Todd said. By the looks on people's faces, everyone was massively surprised that Todd actually did _anything. _

"All of this writing," said Mr. Overstreet. "Well, at least you boys aren't reading poetry in a cave any more…" Knox and Todd gave each other an uncomfortable look. This was not where they wanted this conversation to go. "That whole ordeal was a ridiculous whim," Cameron said, "and I think we all realize that now." Todd shot him a glare, and without caring that the adults were watching, he momentarily snapped. Someone had to, since Charlie wasn't there to do it himself. "You know that's not true, Cameron."

Now, everyone was really staring at Todd. _Most people haven't experienced one of my outbursts, _Todd thought. _Well, Knox, Cameron and Mr. Nolan have, but any time I do something like this, I still take people by surprise. _

Mr. Anderson had a look of utter embarrassment on his face, and he was the first to break the silence. "I'm so sorry about this," he said, and looking at Mr. and Mrs. Danburry, he said, "You will have to excuse me and my son for a moment."

Todd gulped as he got up from his seat and followed his father into the kitchen. His hands felt clammy, and his breathing was getting somewhat erratic. He really had no desire to talk about his 'little outbursts', because he knew that could only lead to disaster. He was sure the Danburrys didn't want a vicious argument to break out at their Christmas party.

"We've talked about this kind of behavior, Todd!" Mr. Anderson was less than thrilled. "I have no idea why you insist on acting like this, especially in public, but what I really don't understand is how you, of all people, still seem to think this…this…rebellion is healthy! Your mother and I did not bring you so you could behave like this. You know better." Todd knew he could just mumble an apology, and everyone would go on pretending like nothing had happened, but he couldn't bring himself to do that. "W-well, m-maybe if you actually had r-raised me as if you _cared _about me, I wouldn't act like this!"

Mr. Anderson looked as if someone had punched him in the face, and it was in that instant that Mrs. Danburry opened the kitchen door. "Is everything all right?" she asked. "We could hear some shouting, and everyone was a little worried…Mr. and Mrs. Perry are here, by the way. You must have missed the doorbell ring, what with the arguing…"

Todd, who had turned a sick shade of white at those words, mumbled, "I-I'm j-just going to step outside." He made a dash for the back door, clearly gasping for air. "Is he going to be all right?" asked a concerned Mrs. Danburry. "Oh, he'll come around," assured Mr. Anderson, who had no desire to feel more ashamed of Todd's behavior. "He just has his moments. I'll chat with him later. "

Todd, who was still running on a completely empty stomach, vomited a pool of bile on the Danburry's driveway. He wiped his mouth, his sweat and his panic subsiding. He knew he couldn't go back in to the party, because if he did, he would completely lose it again, and no one wanted any more of that. _I know where I'm going to go, _Todd thought. He was going to go pay a visit to the one person he needed now more than anyone.

The cemetery was vast, cold, dark and snow covered, but Todd quickly found what he was looking for; a headstone with the name _Neil Perry _etched into it. Todd bit his lip, trying to stop himself from bursting into tears. How stupid had he been, thinking he would come here to talk to Neil when Neil was…was…_dead. _It wasn't as if Neil could talk back. Todd plopped down on the grass next to the gravestone, and started to cry. _None of this is okay, _Todd thought. _Neil should be alive, and we both should be happy, and I shouldn't have to deal with this every time I come home…and…and…I just wish I could say something to him! _Then it dawned on Todd. He wouldn't say anything. He would write it! It felt a little silly to him, the idea of leaving a note on a gravestone, but for some reason, it made him feel a little better; it was almost as if Neil was his pen pal in some far off State.

Todd always kept a little pen and notebook in his pocket, just in case he was struck with inspiration. Or, in this case, a time when he needed to spill out his feelings to a dead person. He took out the notebook and pen and began to write:

_Dear Neil,_

_You used to be the one thing that made living here somewhat bearable, and now, in a twisted way, you're the one thing that makes it unbearable. I don't mean to sound angry with you. I'm not exactly. Well, maybe I am. A little. You told me you loved me. And then you were gone, which absolutely destroyed me. No one had said the words "I love you" to me in years until you said them. That meant so much to me, Neil. I don't think you realized just how much. You took such good care of me, and I feel a little guilty, because I wish I could have taken just as good care of you. But you never gave me the chance. I think that's why I can't help but be a little angry. Anyway, I went to the Danburry's Christmas party tonight. It was awful. I ran out when your parents got there. And Knox is participating in some Valentine's Day fundraiser where he gets to sell his terrible love poems. Can you believe that? Well, Merry Christmas, Neil. I miss you...a lot. _

_Much Love, _

_Todd_

"Hey," a voice said. Todd, who had just torn his letter out and placed it on Neil's grave, was completely taken by surprise. _Maybe ghosts actually do speak in cemeteries, _he thought. _That would be kind of…creepy. _Todd knew better though, and when he looked up, he saw the concerned face of Knox Overstreet. "I thought you'd be here," said Knox. "I guess you didn't notice my car pull up." "I didn't," Todd told him. "But I'm glad you came. Where's Chris?" "She stayed at the Danburry's," Knox said with a shrug. "She figured I should come talk to you alone. And besides, she doesn't have the same problems around Mr. Perry that we do…" He trailed off, and then started to speak again. "I stopped at the store and bought flowers," he said, holding up a couple of roses. "I figured it would only be right…" He stooped and put the flowers next to Neil's grave. "What's that?" he asked, pointing at the letter. "Something I wrote," Todd told him. "I'm guessing you would rather me not read it," Knox said, and Todd nodded. It was a private letter. _Not to mention, _Todd thought with just a hint of amusement, _it insults Knox's poetry…_

"Well," said Knox, putting an arm around Todd's shoulder. "Why don't we ditch the party and go catch up over a beer or two?" Todd, who thought this was a more than welcoming suggestion responded with, "most definitely."

So, the two Dead Poets walked out of the graveyard ready for a much-needed evening of sucking the marrow out of life.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Here's part two! It's considerably longer than part one, as there is a lot more that has taken place since, and a lot more that takes place in the story itself. There are several new characters in this part, and I can only hope I've introduced them well. Also, I throw in a random reference to **_**The Crucible, **_**by Arthur Miller, which, to clarify, is a play about the Salem Witch trials, but is really an allegory for McCarthyism and the blacklisting of 'communists.' In any case, here's part two. I really hope you like it! Reading and reviewing always appreciated! **

Christmas Two

"Mommy! Mommy!" The little boy in the back seat of the car poked his mother's shoulder. She turned around, mildly frustrated, and said, "You shouldn't yell, Neil, darling. You'll wake up your sister." He hadn't woken her up though, as three-year-old Emily could sleep through anything. "Mommy," he said, now at a whisper. "Why are we going to see Daddy's family again? Why aren't we going to Granny and Grandpa's?" "Because your Granny and Grandpa went to visit your Aunt Charlotte in Savannah this Christmas," said the mother. "So, we're visiting your father's parents and brother. They'll be very excited to see us and no matter what your father says, they aren't crazy."

She said this last part in a firm manner, and looked over at her husband, who was driving. "You only say that because you haven't gotten to know them," he told her, his eyes still on the road. "I grew up with these people. Believe me, they're crazy." She sighed. "Todd….they were perfectly reasonable at our wedding." He took his eyes off the road for a moment to protest. "Cat, it was our wedding! I s-suspect that's one of the few things in my l-life they won't try to ruin!" Catherine loved Todd dearly, but she figured he was a bit too harsh on his family. Sure, from everything she knew, they had been awful for him growing up, but she liked to give people the benefit of the doubt. In her mind, they must have gotten somewhat better. She laid a comforting hand on his knee. "Deep breaths. You'll be fine."

"Mommy! Daddy!" Neil whispered from the back of the car. "Stop yelling. Emmy is sleeping!" Todd chuckled, and whispered to Cat. "I think our five year old son just called us out on our hypocrisy." Cat smiled, glad that her husband seemed to be calming down a bit.

It was then that Emily woke up. "There yet?" she murmured sleepily. "In ten minutes, dear," her mother told her. "That long?" she asked. Even parents sometimes forget that three-year-olds don't quite have normal perception of time. "Ten minutes is really soon!" Neil blurted out. No one was asleep anymore, and he was certainly not a quiet kid. "We get to meet daddy's mommy and daddy! They're apparently crazy!"

Catherine buried her face in her hands. "Neil. Honey. Please do not call your grandparents crazy. In fact…." She looked over at Todd. "What _should _they call your parents?" He shrugged. "Knowing my parents…Grandmother and Grandfather. " "But that's boring!" Neil complained. "Boring…" echoed his sister, who always savored the taste of unfamiliar words. "What's boring?" "Not like mommy's parents!" Neil told her.

He had been having some difficulties ever since his parents told him they weren't going to Virginia for Christmas. He'd been standing in the living room of their house in Salem when he heard. He was silent for a minute, and then said, "But Granny and Grandpa!" upon which he promptly burst into tears. Little Neil was so dramatic it half destroyed Todd.

The family's car turned into a driveway. "Well, this is it. We're here," Catherine said. "God help me, Cat," Todd groaned. "You will get out of this car, you know," she told him. "It won't be that bad." "I…n-neglected to m-mention that the last time I came here for C-Christmas, I was a freshman in college." Todd hadn't wanted to tell his wife this, because as uncomfortable as he was with going to his parent's, he didn't want anyone else to feel that way. "You what?" She was shocked. "How is that even possible?" "I s-spent Christmases with friends, mostly," he said. "And other holidays too. Then you came along." "Damn." She breathed, and then quickly covered her mouth, embarrassed to have cursed in front of her kids. "You hate being here because of…." She knew. She knew everything, of course, but she couldn't finish the sentence. Besides, little Neil would get curious if he heard his name said in such a somber way. "Yeah." That was all Todd could say.

Fortunately, that was all Todd had to say, because a cheery eyed Jeffrey was walking out to greet them. They had been sitting in the driveway for far longer than normal.

"Who's that?" Emmy pointed at Jeff. "Let's get out of the car!" said Neil, who was practically bouncing up and down. New places excited him. "That's my brother," Todd told his daughter with a smile. "And yes, we should probably get out, don't you think?" He opened the car door.

"Todd!" Jeffrey greeted him with a hug. "I haven't see you since the wedding, which has been what? Nearly six years now? My God, that's a long time." Todd simply nodded feeling strangled in his brother's embrace. He knew that Jeff missed him, and felt a twinge of guilt for his antisocial behavior. It wasn't that he felt like the inferior brother any more. He was at a point where he saw in himself far more than what his parents saw. Jeff was just part of a society Todd had divorced himself from years ago.

When Jeffrey let go, Todd was able to let out a few words. "Good to see you too." Jeff just grinned and patted him on the back. "I'll help with some of your suitcases," he said, and headed to the trunk of the car, where he was met with the bright face of a little boy. "Who're you?" Neil asked. Jeff ruffled the kid's hair, and said, "You can call me Uncle Jeff. I'm your dad's brother." "I don't have a brother," Neil said. He pointed over to where his sister and mom stood. "I have a sister. Her name is Emmy. She's three. Mommy has a sister too. Aunt Charlotte. Granny and Grandpa went to visit her this year cause she moved to Georgia. That's really far away and there are palm trees, which Mommy's showed me pictures of. I've never seen a real one though…"

Cat, noticing her son's incessant rambling, ran over to the back of the car. She put a hand on his shoulder, and said, "I'll take you to see palm trees sometime, but right now, let's go ring the doorbell and see your grandparents. Daddy and Uncle Jeffrey will unload the suitcases, okay?" She figured if the rest of them went inside, they could save Todd from any immediate awkwardness with his parents.

So, while Mr. and Mrs. Anderson greeted Cat, Neil and Emmy at the door, Todd and Jeff pulled the suitcases out of the trunk.

"What the hell did you put in this thing?" Jeffrey grunted, as he hoisted Todd's book bag out of the car. "Books, mostly," Todd said. "And some notebooks." He took the bag away from Jeff. " Did you bring anyone here with you?" asked Todd. " A girlfriend? I know you had a date at my wedding. Elizabeth, wasn't it?" "She dumped me," Jeffrey said, pulling out another bag. "Despite being a young, successful lawyer, I can't seem to stay in a relationship. I'm not perfect, you know."

That last sentence was so snappy it startled Todd. He often forgot that even Jeff had touchy subjects. But, leave it Jeffrey to bring up the touchiest subject of them all. "Ready for the Danburry's Christmas party?" Todd was taken aback for a moment, and ashen faced, he mumbled, "hardly." "It'll be fine," Jeffrey reassured him, as he slammed the trunk shut. "Nolan's gone…er…" "Yes, I know," Todd said. "Three years ago. Dad called and begged me to come home for the funeral. Of course, that was the day Emmy was born, so that didn't work out." "Speaking of the kids," started Jeffrey, "I meant to tell you. I got a babysitter for the night of the party next week. Hannah. The family lives down the street. She goes to Henley Hall and is Red Cross certified."

So, the night of the Danburry's annual Christmas party, Todd at least got to leave the house feeling like his kids were in remotely competent hands. He, however, had never felt more uncomfortable than when he entered the Danburry's home for the second time.

Mrs. Danburry stood in the foyer. "The Andersons!" She said. "Wonderful. Hang your coats on the coat rack will you?" They did, and walked into the living room.

When Knox saw Todd, he was momentarily shocked. "You didn't say you were in town!" he shouted. As rambunctious as that seemed to everyone else, Knox was thrilled to see Todd. He leaped off the couch and ran to embrace his friend.

Cat stood there, wracking her brain trying to remember Knox's name. He had been best man at the wedding, she knew, but what in the world was his name? Then she was saved. "Knox Overstreet." He shook her hand. "I was in your wedding but I can't seem to remember your…" "Catherine," she told him, "but I go by Cat."

"As touching as this little scene is, why don't you guys sit down?" That was Cameron. Tactless as always. Chris moved over on her couch to make more room. She and Knox had gotten married a several years before Todd and Catherine. They had an eight-year-old daughter, Marie.

"Todd Anderson," said Mr. Overstreet. "Good gracious. We haven't seen you in ages. What have you been up to, other than getting married and the like?" "Work, mostly," Todd said. "I write for the local newspaper. Not the most interesting, b-but on the other hand, I may get a book of p-poems published soon." He didn't know what he was thinking, bringing up poetry here. That was probably a stupid idea.

He was right, as the person he least wanted to see walked into the Danburry's living room that very second. "I swore I heard someone mention poetry," Mr. Perry said. Todd had the horrible urge to be sick, which Catherine sensed, because she squeezed his hand tightly. "You must have misheard," Cameron said quickly. "Mrs. Overstreet was just talking about the pesky ants that keep getting into her kitchen. Pesky, not poetry."

_Well, _Todd thought. _Cameron isn't always tactless. _He still felt nauseous, and Cat hadn't let go of his hand even though it was cold and clammy.

Mrs. Overstreet was offended. "I never said my kitchen has ants. My kitchen does not have…oh." Realizing the urgency of the situation, she gave up on her pride. "They are pesky."

"So, Catherine, I take it you stay at home with your kids?" Chris, who had only met Cat once before was curious. "Actually, the kids go to preschool and I work," responded Catherine, "at the Children's History Museum in Salem. I have a master's degree in museum studies."

"You went to grad school?" Ginny Danburry perked up. "Mom…Dad…why can't I? I said I'd pay for it myself and everything." "Virginia, we've discussed this. You don't need a masters degree in sociology," was Mr. Danburry's response. Ginny rolled her eyes, and Cat gave her a look of 'we'll talk later.'

"You have two kids, right?" Chris was ever curious, and in Todd's mind, still somewhat annoying. Knox did love her though, which was what counted. "We do," said Cat. "Our son is five and our daughter is three." "What're their names?" It seemed like a harmless question, and Cat, who knew that Mr. and Mrs. Perry were in the room, figured she'd fib a little. "Emily and Nathaniel," she said. "Lovely names," said Chris, a smile on her face. "Wait," Jeffrey said, his face a bit contorted with confusion. "Todd, your son's name is definitely Neil…." Then, seeing the look on Mr. Perry's face, he realized his mistake, and under his breath muttered, "shit."

The silent tension of that moment was awful. Mrs. Danburry was the first to break it. "Um…would anyone like another glass of wine? I was going to refill mine." A few people handed their glasses to Mrs. Danburry, but unfortunately, no one erupted back into chatter.

Mr. Perry, still shocked and staring at Todd, said, "Weren't you…?" Todd had no desire to bring up Neil. It was a taboo subject, especially at so festive an occasion. He couldn't bring himself to say Neil's name, so he simply croaked out, "H-his l-last roommate."

At this, Mrs. Perry lapsed into a fit of tears, and said, "I…you'll have to excuse me from the living room for a moment." She rushed into the foyer, dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief. Mr. Perry ran out after her.

The uncomfortable air remained in the room for a moment, but was interrupted by the sound of the telephone ringing in the kitchen. "Hello?" That was Mrs. Danburry. She had stopped refilling wine glasses in order to answer the call. "Yes, he is here. Hold on just one second…" Mrs. Danburry put the phone down and called from the kitchen. "Todd, it's for you! The babysitter apparently."

Todd, all thoughts of Mr. and Mrs. Perry aside, went to the kitchen to pick up the phone. After all, when the babysitter interrupts a party, it's usually not a good thing.

Mrs. Danburry left the kitchen and shut the door behind Todd, who then took the phone off the countertop. "Hello?" he asked. "Hannah?" "Thank God…" For a Red Cross certified babysitter, she sounded particularly panicked. "Everything was fine. I put the kids to bed, and they were really good before that. We did sock puppet shows. Your son really likes puppet shows but now I think he just had a nightmare, and wet the bed, and I don't know what to do!" _Oh, _Todd thought. Neil did have nightmares on occasion, and that was an awkward position for a babysitter. "I'll be at the house in just a few minutes," he told Hannah.

_At least I have a valid reason to leave the party this time, _Todd reflected as he drove back to his parent's house. He felt a little guilty for leaving Cat alone, but he knew she could handle herself at the Danburry's a lot better than he could, especially after what had happened with Mr. and Mrs. Perry.

When he got to the house, Hannah was waiting for him at the door with Neil. "Daddy!" Neil, who was in embarrassed tears, gave his father a hug. "It's okay," Todd told him. "We'll change your sheets and I'll read to you a little. Then I have to go back to the fancy big people party, okay?" Neil nodded. "Okay, daddy."

After Todd had put clean sheets on the bed, he asked what book Neil wanted read to him. The extra weight of Todd's book bag really came from an excess of children's books that he took on trips. "The dragon one, daddy!" Neil was referring to _My Father's Dragon, _which had been read to him multiple times before, but was one of his favorites. Todd sighed. "I don't have time to read all of that one…" "Some?" Neil was dead set on the dragon book. "Alright," Todd told him, as he got out the book and began to read. "My Father meets a cat…." "Why can't I talk to cats?" Neil asked, halfway through the chapter. "Well, you can," Todd told him. "They just don't talk back in English." "What language do cats speak?" The little boy was filled with questions, some of which were simply not answerable. When Todd finished the chapter, he gave his son a kiss on the forehead, and said, "I've got to go back to the big people party now. See you in the morning."

When Todd got back to the Danburry's, he went into the dining room, where he found his wife munching on the chocolate covered pretzels. She looked oddly annoyed. "You okay?" Todd asked her. She looked up from the tray of pretzels, with relief on her face. "You're back, thank heavens." She walked over and kissed him on the cheek. "W-what happened?" he asked. "You were right," she said. "Your family is nuts. Everyone got into this whole conversation about how dreadful it is that no one is as hard on communists as McCarthy was back in the day, and I sort of snapped, because honestly. Most of those blacklisted people weren't even communists. I may have told everyone to go read _The Crucible_, and come back when they got the point…. Of course, that only prompted the reaction of 'women shouldn't talk about serious matters.' I have a master's degree for heaven's sake! I will talk about serious matters if I want to."

Todd was laughing, though that probably wasn't the best reaction for the moment. "What?" Cat demanded. "I…should have warned you about the McCarthyism thing," Todd told her, still chuckling. "I f-forgot to mention it." "Well," Cat said with a sigh. "Is there any way we can just leave?" Todd held up the car keys. "There is a reason we drove separately from my parents." "You. Are. My. Hero," Cat said, kissing her husband again, this time on the lips. "Let's get out of here."

"Catherine and I are going to head home," Todd said, poking his head into the living room. "Already?" asked Mrs. Danburry. "Sure you don't want to stay a little while longer?" "No," Todd told her, politely turning down the offer. "We w-want to pick up some groceries on the way back, so w-we best be going before the stores all close…" "Merry Christmas then," Mrs. Danburry told them as they left the house. "It was lovely seeing you!"

"I'll drive," Cat told Todd, as they got in the car. "Back to your parent's house, I guess?" "Actually," Todd said, "I do want to stop at the store…and pick up some flowers. Then, if y-you d-don't mind, one more stop?"

Catherine knew full well where Todd wanted to go, and as much as she didn't want to see him torn up, she figured she'd take him there. "That's fine," she said. Then she noticed something odd. "Why is _My Father's Dragon _in the passenger seat?" "Oh, t-this?" Todd picked up the book. "I was reading to Neil. I must have brought it back with me by m-mistake."

They drove to the store where they bought some Poinsettias, and then went out to the cemetery.

"Pretty bleak place," Catherine said, as they got out of the car. "B-believe me, I k-know." Todd, who was holding the flowers and _My Father's Dragon,_ stuttered out the short sentence, partially because it was freezing outside, and partially because he felt incredibly awkward bringing his wife to Neil Perry's gravestone.

It didn't take him long to find it, though the last time he had been there was years ago. "1942 to 1959…." Catherine breathed, the wave of sadness washing over her. "God…" Todd, who couldn't talk at this point gave her a look that said, 'please don't.' So, she stopped speaking, and merely watched as her husband laid the flowers and the book on the grave.

"Why the book?" she asked. This was a question that Todd could answer. Not well, though. "It just feels right," he said. "Besides, we'll replace it."

"You ready to go?" Cat didn't think it was a good idea to let Todd stay here for too long. "I…have to write a note f-first…" Todd said, pulling a notebook from his pocket. He still carried one there, just in case. Cat just nodded. A note should be fine, she figured. Todd scrawled on the piece of paper:

_Dear Neil, _

_ I know. It's been a really long time since I wrote to you last. I still miss you. I don't think that's ever going to change though. I'll always miss you, and there will always be far too many 'what ifs?' I'm married now…that probably comes as a surprise, I know, given everything we went through together, but I do love her, so don't worry about that. The wedding was good. Knox was our best man, and my parents actually behaved themselves. Meeks and Pitts were there too, and they're doing postgraduate research in England now. And Charlie...was drafted. We don't talk about that much. I left you a book. It's my son's favorite though I don't know if you ever read it. There are a lot of things I never learned about you really. My son's name is Neil, after you of course. Your parents found that out tonight, and it wasn't pretty, to say the least. His middle name's John; because of…you know…Mr. Keating. My daughter's name is Emily, after…you'll laugh. Emily Dickinson. She was a hermit and poet. That kind of reminds you of how I used to be, doesn't it? Anyway, I am doing well, and only trying to live my life like anyone else, which is good. That's a lot better than I was the first few years after you…left. I guess I'm just writing to say Merry Christmas Neil Perry. I love you and I miss you. _

_Much Love,_

_ Todd_

Todd, who had gotten choked up writing his letter, was now sitting on the ground with a tight grip on the paper in his hand. Cat knelt down next to him, and rubbed his back. "It's okay," she soothed. "You can let go of it…"

Todd relinquished his grip on the note, and dropped it by Neil's grave. "I-I know," he said. "I-I just…it a-all feels s-so weird, b-being h-here with y-you n-now. L-like e-everything's moved on but h-he's still t-there, frozen in t-time." The words were so hard to get out, and Todd was crying now, crying really hard.

Cat pulled him into a tight hug. She really couldn't imagine what Todd was feeling, and whatever it all was, she didn't want him to have to feel it alone.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes before Todd wiped his tears, stood up, and said, "I think we should go back now." Cat could only nod, as she took his hand. They walked back to the car in silence, listening to the howling wind, and watching, much to Todd's discomfort, the first of the night's snowflakes fall from the sky.


End file.
